Rules of engagement
Primary objective
Self interest is the best mutual interest, and mutual interest is the best self interest.
In the spirit of minimizing or totally defusing the potential for miscommunication and therefore attack, fueled by the principle of separation, let's both agree to assume that whatever the other has to say is in our best interest for the purpose of self growth. Agreeing is not the objective here. Only exploration.
Primary objective focus course correction tools
Since this is not a well practiced approach in human conversation, we can indeed anticipate so called mistakes and loss of focus on the primary objective. To regain the focus on the primary objective, if one wishes so, and one does because that was the agreement in the first place, one must but remember what we just said. What did we just say?
So awareness of the primary objective must be restored. It is the responsibility and also in the best interest of each party to do their best to help the other party regain focus on the primary objective. If this awareness is lost while trying to help the other party restore its focus on the primary objective, then the help will become an attack because the primary objective is lost. Well, the focus is really lost; the primary objective is always there as a concept. Eternal.
To recap, if the primary objective is lost, then engagement will be attack and separation. Being right because hearing the other party's argument is not seen as self-interest and mutual interest. The mutual interest is totally reasonable because both parties have essentially the same problem. That is an erroneous self-identity. What is this identity? It is the identity that desires separate interest, no matter how it is defined.
Introducting the primary objective in awareness using questions
What is your best interest in pursuing that idea?
What are you trying to gain from it?
What is your motivation for it?
How will it help you?
How will it help others?
It is fear and its the ritual of perversion. The drama is played out where the victim becomes the victor and the trauma transforms itself into triumph, accompanied by fear, excitement, and a dopamine rush to help you have the experience of engaging with it. The experience is its own motivation because it is driven by one's own desire to experience it. The experience is the desire, and the desire is the experience.
The teacher and student have a mutual interest if the student and the teacher want to learn together. It is one idea, split in receiving and giving components. They are both receiving and giving at the same time.
People are sent to you for your best interest. You are not fully seeing that because you do not understand what your best interest is. You just think you know what your best interest is. It is the utilization of God given talents, the ones you came here with. Have you ever questioned it?
I want to stimulate you so you realize you do not need artificial stimulation.